by John Farmer
1. Snooki Became a Mom! (Apple had a cow over Google Maps)
Google refused to give Apple's iOS the same functionality as Android for Google
Maps. Voice-directed turn-by-turn navigation was only given to the Android OS. This obviously gives Google the edge over Apple, so Apple pouted and never renewed
the agreement. This wouldn't have been an issue if Google never got into the phone
business, but Google is getting into EVERY business.
2. Kim Kardashian Hooked Up With Kanye West (Facebook hooked up with
Facebook acquired Instagram back in April for 1 billion dollars. We're not saying it's
all about money, but it is. Facebook already tracks our every keystroke, now they
have one more social network under their belt. All of the information they acquire
from your usage is sold and turned into targeted ads, which equals big, big money.
Facebook and Instagram is a match made in heaven.
3. Honey Boo Boo Lands Her Own Spin-Off (Samsung makes Apple Spin-off)
Apple and Samsung have been in heated court battles all year long over design
patents. Apple was furious that Samsung stole their rounded corners, and Samsung
said they thought it up themselves. Sounds like your standard Honey Boo Boo child
argument. It goes even further when Apple had to post an apology on their website,
but you could only see it if you scroll-down. Apple Boo Boo and Samsung need their
own television show.
4. Jenelle Evans Just Wants to See Ke$ha (Apple just wants a maps program)
After Google and Apple parted ways due to the squabble over Google Maps, Apple
launched their own map app. Apple Maps managed to be one of the worst map apps
in the history of time. Australian officials cautioned users not to use the app after
having to rescue some half-dozen stranded ill directed Apple Maps users. There are
claims that Apple Maps is 'three times more likely to get you lost' than Google Maps.
Google's CEO Eric Schmidt put the icing on the cake when he proclaimed, 'what
Apple has learned is that maps are really hard'. Thanks for the words of wisdom Mr.
5. Terry the Cat Lady of Hoarders Wants All of the Cats (ìAll of your data/money are
belong to us!î)
The Facebook IPO flopped. Microsoft's Windows 8 and tablet thrust is sluggish.
Google is being sued left and right over anti-trust and privacy issues. Amazon is
slowly taking over the world. These guys are all fighting over money and your
personal data, they want to hoard your data in the deepest, darkest dungeons so
that one day your 'user-experience will be perfect' (oh, and to sell your data to
advertisers). Who doesn't want a more personalized user-experience? I certainly do.
Please disregard all of my search queries for Snooki and Honey Boo-Boo.